【明報專訊】This is a tragic and (sadly) quite realistic story, Winnie. I have a few small suggestions for improvements. Firstly, some of the idioms are not quite correctly used, for example heartbroken (how about: crushed, choked or desolate) and had egg on her face (this means humiliated (被羞辱) because of your own mistakes. How about: "she was given a grilling" or "put through the wringer"). As always, watch out for the forms of different words-inhumane is an adjective, inhumanity is a noun, which is what you need here. Similarly, with "her blood smeared across the windscreen and shocked the passengers inside the car", smeared is normally used passively, so it should be "was smeared", or you could change it to an active verb like splashed, sprayed or gushed. You could even remove the "and" and using "-ing": "her blood was smeared across the windscreen, shocking the passengers inside" the car. Also, remember your prepositions: we stare at people. Overall, in a 300-word short story about office bullying, I think you should focus more on the bullying, rather than the interview. She kills herself because of her colleagues laughing at her-could you write about what they do and how she feels in more detail?
