【明報專訊】Andy, you have written a generally accurate piece of a phenomenon which has taken Hong Kong by storm: tutorial schools. You write candidly (率直地) and the topics you touch on include several perspectives. For example, you start by mentioning the "skyrocketing enrollment" from the viewpoint of tutorial schools before moving on to the opinions of the students who want to "study the same topics over and over again" and then include the (sometimes concerned) attitudes of teachers and parents. This gives a balanced overview of the effect of tutorial schools in Hong Kong as a whole.
While you have chosen to write your ideas in letter form, you clearly are debating the impact tutorial schools have in Hong Kong, as you include both pros and cons. I feel that your text would therefore be more effective if it was structured as an argumentative essay (sometimes called a "discursive text"). For this writing genre, introduce the topic in a broader sense, debate your ideas a little more succinctly (簡潔地) and then summarise your main points and, if you like, include your own opinion at the end. Paying a little more attention to the relationship between purpose (in this case to present advantages and disadvantages) and structure (a discursive text) will heighten the clarity of your ideas and consequently increase their impact.
